Saturday, October 3, 2009

Another Comment becomes a Post

I was commenting on Caliban's Revenge about his review of the movie Pandorum this week, Prospero liked it very much. I found it very frustrating and wound up ranting more than commenting. I thought is would make a good post and here it is.

I almost left several times but thought about my $8.50 and stayed. I should have cut my losses and run.

First, I had a very hard time understanding the dialog. I could hear it but most of it was either mumbled or drowned out by background sounds. Ultimately I think I only understood about 50% of the movie, I had thought about getting one of those listening aids but I also thought about all the ears they have been in. Yuck!

  • Rooms sealed off by massive doors and no power to open them but an air vent can get you any where.
  • This guy just wakes up and has memory loss but he can out run and hide from creatures who have lived in the ship for years?
  • Just how many people are they going to find walking around?
  • 60,000 people, 200 years into the future and this guy doesn't speak English?
  • The creatures couldn't hear them whispering? Really??
  • I guess the creatures had no sense of smell, bad hearing and didn't see any better in the dark then the humans could but man they are sound sleepers.
  • Dude, you only have a few hours to keep the reactor from blowing up, creatures are trying to eat you and you want to "save" your wife and wake her up? She's way safer than you! Now don't get killed and fix the fucking reactor.
  • Damn! Cam is hot all covered in slime but his teeth are way too white and perfect.
  • Damn! Cam cleans up nicely, those biceps! His teeth can be his one flaw.
  • Trash compartments (like in Star Wars) or whatever filled with water and floating human skeletal parts. When did bones learn to float? Where did the trash and bodies come from? I thought everyone was asleep.
  • If emergency escape pods are airtight for space, wouldn't they also keep out water?
  • If you're breathing with a mask on, shouldn't that work under water as well? And if not, shouldn't you at least be in better shape then the guy who doesn't have one? And aren't you the one who has been surviving for so long but this guy just woke up? I guess women are still the weaker sex 200 years into the future.
  • Shouldn't there have been much more computer automation? Like to Wake them up? Play an informative message?

The ending, which I kinda figured out, did tie things up well but the trip wasn't worth it.

Lazer razor - so want one. Dennis was Dennis - he should have used the razor. Ben was very good and shouldn't have used the razor. Cam - MORE PLEASE!!

Do yourself a favor and wait for cable, maybe even regular tv. Don't even put it in your NetFlix queue.


  1. My. You were in a nit-picking mood, weren't you? I could have gone there; the movie's hardly perfect. And I think I had a different viewing experience than you. We heard every word and parts of the movie were VERY loud. I guess I went in with lowered expectations, parked my brain and went along for the ride, plot holes be-damned. Of course, I had a cutie-pie with me to grab my arm when he got scared, which always helps. Still, always good to hear the opposing view! I still love ya!

  2. I will have to remember not to watch this one. Your review hits on many of the things I hate about stupid movies. Looks like this one's got quite a few of those flaws.
    Thanks for the heads up.

  3. I had this on our Netflix list. I'll pull it. We can't stand too many inconsistencies in a film.


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