Saturday, April 6, 2013


It was a long drawn out day but mom finally made it home at 5:30 pm.

The hospice supplies of a bed, bipapp breathing machine, oxygen compressor and lists of many more things didn't arrive until 3pm. We had expected them between 8am and noon.

The hospice nurse is very nice and comforting. My sister-in-law (a retired nurse) is living with us for the foreseeable future.The transition went well but I'm scared. Until this time, mom was completely self sufficient - able to get about the house, answer nature's call, bathe, eat and communicate. I acted as her personal assistant and she treated me better than any celebrity would. And although the possibility of her passing was very real, it would be a surprise/shock.

Now it is inevitable and myself and my family have a greater responsibility then we did. We have to take care of her physical needs, her breathing needs, her medicine needs to be ground up and put into her food (she had been on a feeding tube for the past 3 weeks and IV fluids) and provide her fluids.

I don't know about anyone else, but I didn't realize until tonight that there will be no break or rest now in taking care of mom. True, we had been taking turns spending the night with her in the hospital but we had the HOSPITAL as our support system. So we at least had a few hours a day to shift the stress off our backs.

Mom told me tonight, being home and using different breathing assist equipment enable her to speak and be understood!!!!!, that she wants to exercise! She is so tough. Not afraid but tough and not ready to go. She's not finished yet.

We're not the type of family that talks. With all the time I've spent with my mom, there have been no trips down memory lane, no righting wrongs, no using what time is left to heal wounds, say things you've always wanted to say. Maybe we didn't need to. I'm not sitting on anything, I don't have questions or unresolved issues (at least any I either want to deal with or am aware of), I just do what I do. It's not hard for me but others are quite impressed. I never could take a compliment.

I'm exhausted but the 3-4 Bub Platinums I had tonight (I'm not a lover of beer but these I'd drink again) seemed to have relaxed me a bit - enough to write this. When I reread this tomorrow, we'll see how well I did. I'm rambling. Thanks for being there - it really means so much. Not all of us are parents (or lucky enough to have doggies) but we are all children.

one hour at a time
one day at a time
one life in a life time


I don't think I've written it but I do love my mom. I respect her. I like her. I'm starting to realize how I'll miss her. I'm seeing the holes in my future life. I love my mom.


  1. Like I said, what you're doing is best for your mom, and you'll find, it's the best for you and your family, too.
    And to be able to do that is a great thing.

  2. We were not all able to be there for our parents as you are for your mom. Use the time.
    For several months, when I left my mom I left expecting that I would never see her alive again. When she passed, it was still difficult but I was at peace.
    We all wish you the best and will be here for you when you need us.

  3. "There is nothing to do but keep doing..." I don't know where I first heard or read that quote, but it seems fitting. It s amazing what our compassion, stamina and will allow us to do and get through. The assistance and support you are giving your Mom is not only a testament to what an amazing child and family member you are, but an incredible human being as well. You are never far from my thoughts and I continue to wish you strength, stamina and peace of mind as you meet this challenge head on, day in and day out.

  4. {{{{{hugs}}}}} cause that's all I can do.

  5. My heart does go out to you at this time. As A nurse I have been down this road you are going through many times with families. It does nto help nor does the words of comfort. I have lost my-ex and others down the line, but never a father or a mother. That is one of my biggest fears. Sean just remember I am here for you n matter what.

    you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. I'm glad your mom is home, but I'm also sorry for the amount of care she will require. I know you love her, but it is an exhausting undertaking.

  7. You speak of your mother's toughness and strength, but I want to remind you that YOU also possess those traits, as is evidenced by what you've been through and are continuing to do. You are brave, strong, and courageous and I'm proud to consider you a friend. So sorry we didn't get to meet in person a few weeks ago, but it will happen in the future, I'm sure.

  8. It is a hard, but great thing, you are doing. Hang in there...

  9. I'm glad your Mom is where she wants to be, and I'm proud you're doing all of this for her. It will be exhausting but don't worry about the physical part. It's the mental part that will wear you down. Hang in there.

    It was tough when my mother passed away. At the job I had at the time I couldn't cut work, but after every shift I'd drive to the hospice center to see her for an hour or so. Once she slipped into a coma I knew she'd never come out of, she lingered for a few days. I finally told her she could go and the rest of the family would be fine.

    I don't know if she was waiting to hear that, but she passed away about eight hours afterward.

  10. Dealing w Hospice last year - and a cousin - I know how good of an organization it is and how they make a bad situation a little better.

    Sorry how things are with your mom, but keep in mind the good times and people are there to assist and help. I am thinking of you.

  11. Thinking of you and your family Sean.

  12. Sean, it is wonderful that you can open up and share your feelings here on your blog because that is therapeutic for you as well. And all of us are here willing to listen and want to provide you with whatever support you derive from reading our comments. Lean on hospice and other family members to help, especially the physical part. Lean on them also, and us for you emotional needs.

  13. Sean,

    My brother John and his wife took care of our Mom when she was under hospice care in September of 2010. He's a care pastor and thought he could handle it but towards the end, when they were getting absolutely no sleep at all they almost came close to putting her into a nursing home. But we promised her that we (all three of her sons) and we kept our promise but it wasn't easy. I hope your transition goes well. Dying is part of living and I hope when my times comes I can have someone as caring as you and your family to take care of me. You are in my thoughts Sean.

    Retired in Delaware

  14. No other person could have done more than you, you clearly have a deep love and bond for your mother and it is great she's home for her final weeks and days. I can't even imagine how hard things will be for you over the coming days, you have my love and best wishes.

  15. You are a stronger man than me. *hugs*


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